The Ins and Outs of Reclaiming Self-Worth: The Perfectionism and People-Pleasing Version

As a young adult in your 20s or 30s, you’re moving through a world full of expectations. You might feel pulled in every direction, trying to build a career, maintain relationships, and figure out who you are all at once. Maybe perfectionism keeps whispering that you have to do everything right, or people-pleasing convinces you that your worth depends on keeping everyone around you happy. And somewhere in the middle of it all, you may feel like you’re losing touch with your own sense of self-worth. It’s exhausting to constantly wonder if you’re enough, or if you truly matter in a world that seems to always want more from you.

You may be asking yourself, “How do I start feeling good about myself again when I feel stuck in these old patterns?”

While part of you might want to avoid your feelings—maybe by overworking, numbing out with your phone, or pretending everything is fine—the other part of you knows that lasting change won’t happen unless you pause and reconnect with yourself.

The good news is, you can begin to gently rebuild your self-worth by taking small, honest steps toward understanding your needs and honoring your inner voice.

In this blog post, I’ll delve into self-worth and share 3 supportive practices that will help you ease perfectionism, break free from people-pleasing, and slowly remember that you matter—just as you are.

Myth:

Before we dive into the depths of self-worth, it’s important to dispel a common misconception that often clouds the understanding of young adults in their 20s and 30s. Maybe you’ve heard the idea that your self-worth has to be earned—that you are only as valuable as your achievements, productivity, or how well you meet other people’s expectations. This misunderstanding can keep you trapped in perfectionism and people-pleasing, making it almost impossible to feel “enough,” no matter how hard you try.

Contrary to popular belief, your self-worth isn’t something you have to chase or prove. It isn’t built on being perfect or always saying yes. True self-worth comes from recognizing your inherent value as a human being—value that exists simply because you matter, not because you checked off another box or impressed someone else.

You don’t have to be flawless, endlessly giving, or constantly performing to feel grounded and worthy in your own life.

Let’s dive into reconnecting with your inner voice, creating healthy boundaries, and practicing self-compassion—the three supportive practices that will help you rebuild your self-worth and finally begin to feel “enough” from the inside out.

Reconnecting With Your Inner Voice
Reconnecting with your inner voice means tuning back in to your own thoughts, feelings, and needs—especially the ones you’ve been ignoring while trying to meet everyone else’s expectations. It’s about slowing down enough to notice what you actually want, how you actually feel, and what truly matters to you. At its core, this practice helps you build a more stable sense of self-worth by making your inner world a priority again.

Reconnecting with your inner voice is an empowering resource for young adults experiencing perfectionism, people-pleasing, and the constant pressure to feel “enough,” because it brings you back to yourself. When you learn to listen inward, you stop letting outside opinions or endless to-do lists define your value. Instead, you begin to trust your own perspective, which naturally strengthens your sense of self-worth.

Many people who are new to rebuilding self-worth struggle with noticing their own needs. They’re so used to putting others first that their inner voice feels faint—or even missing. And when they do try to hear it, they may question or second-guess themselves, which only adds to their stress.

Rather than get discouraged by feeling unsure or disconnected, the key to feeling more grounded and worthy is to practice listening inward before trying to change everything on the outside. You don’t have to have perfect clarity right away.

To get started, try taking just five quiet minutes a day to breathe, check in with yourself, and ask, “What do I need right now?” This small step can create a gentle opening—one that helps you reconnect with your inner voice and slowly remember that you matter just as much as anyone else.

Creating Healthy Boundaries
Creating healthy boundaries means learning where you end and where others begin. It’s the practice of deciding what you’re willing to give, what you’re not, and how you want to be treated. Boundaries aren’t walls meant to shut people out—they’re gentle lines that help protect your emotional energy and keep your relationships balanced. When you set boundaries, you strengthen your self-worth by honoring your own limits and needs.

This tool can be helpful if you’ve spent hours trying to keep everyone happy, saying yes to things you don’t have the energy for, or overworking yourself because you think it’s the “right” thing to do—but you still end up feeling drained, overwhelmed, or not “enough.” Without boundaries, even your best efforts can leave you feeling invisible or taken for granted.

Healthy boundaries give you permission to show up in your life in a way that feels sustainable and authentic. They help you step out of the cycle of perfectionism and people-pleasing by reminding you that you matter just as much as the people around you. With boundaries, you get to choose how you spend your time and energy, which naturally supports your sense of self-worth.

To use this tool effectively, start by getting clear on your limits. Pay attention to moments when your body feels tense, resentful, or exhausted—these are signs that a boundary is needed. Then practice saying simple, honest phrases like, “I can’t commit to that right now,” or “I need some time for myself this evening.” At first, it may feel uncomfortable, especially if you’re used to prioritizing others. But with each boundary you set, you take one more step toward feeling balanced, respected, and genuinely “enough.”

Practicing Self-Compassion
Practicing self-compassion, a gentle strategy rooted in treating yourself with the same kindness you offer others, may just be the key you've been searching for if you've tried boosting your confidence by working harder, being “perfect,” or pushing your feelings aside—yet that nagging sense of not feeling “enough” still lingers. Some people try to build self-worth by achieving more or pleasing everyone around them, but these strategies often make the pressure worse, not better.

Self-criticism can create a cycle where a person may try to fix how they feel by being tougher on themselves. However, this can lead to just feeling more overwhelmed and disconnected from the belief that you matter. Self-compassion interrupts this cycle by helping you respond to mistakes, stress, and setbacks with understanding rather than judgment.

To implement self-compassion effectively, it’s helpful to start with small steps. Begin by noticing when your inner critic gets loud—moments when you think, “I should be doing better,” or “I’m failing again.” Then, pause and gently ask yourself, “What would I say to a friend who felt this way?” Next, offer yourself one supportive statement, like “It’s okay to be human,” or “I’m trying my best.” You can also place a hand on your chest or take a slow breath to help your body settle.

By consistently incorporating self-compassion, you can soften perfectionism, reduce people-pleasing tendencies, and rebuild a steady sense of self-worth. Over time, this practice transforms the way you navigate challenges—reminding you that you deserve patience, care, and understanding, simply because you’re human.

Your Next Steps to Rebuilding Your Self-Worth

To bring it all together, these three components of self-worth can help with reconnecting with needs, ease perfectionism, and lessen people-pleasing so you can finally feel “enough.” While it may seem overwhelming at first, by focusing on one small step—like taking a few quiet minutes today to check in with yourself—you’ll be one step closer to feeling more grounded in who you are and more confident in the belief that you matter. 

Many young adults reach a point where perfectionism, people-pleasing, and the constant pressure to feel “enough” become too heavy to carry alone. If you’re longing for support as you work to rebuild your self-worth, you’re not alone.
I support young adults who feel stretched thin, disconnected from themselves, or unsure of their value by helping them reconnect with their needs and trust their inner voice again.

Schedule a 20-minute free consultation by clicking here now.